"Are you okay Cleopvtrv?"

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That was the main question people asked me today as nobody would have missed my down, gloomy face. Why did I have this face do you ask? You probably don't but I'll say anyway; because my school day ended just as shitty as it began. I got on the bus today, and saw the boy I had been admiring for about 8 years now. He used to go to my school and we were really good friends, but I had a massive crush on him. When we were about 11, he taught me how to play pool, which at that age, after watching romantic films non stop like Dirty Dancing and Grease was one of the most romantic things ever. We used to tease each other and purposely give each other a hard time as a joke, but we were really good friends. When I started secondary school, we obviously went our separate ways as (for some odd reason) I decided to go to a girls school because my sisters went there and I thought it would be best. I have to say it was the best, because it really helped me academically but my friendship with this boy just died. We never spoke, hardly ever saw each other after that really. NOT UNTIL... (DUN DUN DUUUUUN) he moved to a school near mine and he got on my bus almost every single day. By then I had added him on facebook about 4 years later and asked him if he remembered me and he replied "Yeah, I think so" which crushed me because I was expecting "CLEOPVTRV It's been too long! how have you been?!" Every time he got on my bus, I would get butterflies, and chills. Not to mention, he had blossomed into a beautiful young man which made everything 10 times worse and even now, when I see him I have to refrain myself from smiling in a crazy fashion. However, the problem was, he made it clear that he had a type. It CLEARLY was not any aspect of me. I put on the I don't give a shit attitude and this hurt me even more because I was in total denial. So ANYWAY, he got on my bus, and did not even give me a second glance, but I still got the chills. I got off the bus, to get to school and I saw him looking out the window, opposite direction, as if I was part of the invisible thin air. So I got to school in a horrible mood, then I expected to talk to my friends about it, but this other girl who seems to have a huge dilemma she only wants my two friends to know about and not me basically kicked me out of the room WE hang out in because she wanted to talk about her problems, so once again I was dismissed and went to my study room to do some work. However this was not the final straw, I was annoyed but painting on a bright face. It was not until I was humiliated by one of my teachers in class who basically called me ugly because she took something I said to her the wrong way, that I was completely brought down to the absolute bottom. "Cleopvtrv, are you alright?" so many people asked "yeah, I'm fine" I replied, but in reality, I felt like absolute shit and I wanted to go home as soon as possible. So today, I feel rubbish, I don't know how I feel about boys any more because all the boys I am attracted to, or like in any way are either unaware of my presence, or probably feel that I am some ugly fat slob who should just grow old alone. But at the end of the day, some days are shit, some are good. Today was rubbish and I'll try to begin Friday with a smile and a compliment to myself, which would lead me into being into a good mood for the remainder of the day.



Cleopvtrv

xoxoxoxo

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