(No longer) Teenage (but still a) Dreamer

The older I get, I find that I have more frequent and stronger epiphanies. I also find these epiphanies all have a recurring theme, being that it always has something to do with me getting older and getting closer to what I envisaged myself being and looking like as an adult, when I was younger. I had a vague picture in my mind, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to get there at various phases of life. In retrospect, I am coming to terms with the fact that it has been really tough to get at the stage I am at now, and that I have done a whole lot to get where I'm at now, although, I frequently forget the struggle and hard work it took to get here, because I haven't yet got a job or achieved everything that I sometimes feel I could potentially achieve at 22. Some of these things are extremely materialistic things, like my own place, or my own car, or even driving lessons. But I have beyond a doubt, done a whole LOT. I think that now that I'm sexually active, I am also...

The gaps between each post on here are getting a little bit too big. The good thing about that, however, is that it gives me more space to provide you with updates of my life, considering you're like my public, yet private, diary. I want to begin by talking about the job hunt. Since graduating, I have been spending about 6 months looking for a job and it has been the most tedious thing. Just waiting and waiting and waiting for responses. I can't take much more of it, but I have to endure it. I should be hearing back from one place before Monday, but the response will either be "yes" or "no" so it's tough to put all my eggs in one basket. This feeling of limbo has been really irritating, and I have put on so much weight from just being home and sitting at my laptop. Especially because of the recent weather. It had been snowing for a few days, and before that I used to go on daily runs, but then it was a safety hazard, during and after the snow, so I had t...

WOW! I feel like I have been through a worrrrld of experiences and changes since my last blog post. However, this is like my personal, anonymous diary, so I suppose time is in abundance on here, considering it's based on my personal availability. So... In my last post, I spoke about going into my second year of university. Think about this, reader! I AM GOING ON 22! I didn't even write during my final year because of a number of reasons. Mainly, though, because I was soooo busy with university work, and secondly because sooooooo much happened since that post, the next time I even considered writing before now. I remember doing this in one of my old blog posts, where I just summarised life events in a list, instead of going on and on about it and then losing track of where I'm going etc. That was a great idea, so I think I will do it again. 1. I realised the guy I was admiring, that my friend told me about was a piece of crap, nothing came of that, we were never anything...

It's been a whole seven months since I last shared my thoughts and experiences on here, and a lot has happened. But I don't want to dwell on my past as I'm entering a new academic year. Going into my second year of university and I would like to remain positive and optimistic about my future. I'm turning twenty this year (which I prefer to call "twenteen" just so I don't feel too old) and I just can't believe it. I can't believe I'm growing up so quickly. During the summer holidays, I have obtained many jobs, all consisting of me working behind a bar. I decided to enter this new avenue of work as a bartender considering I'm getting older. I worked in a local bar for about 2 months during the summer holidays and a few days before going back to university, I worked behind a bar at a festival. My experience behind the local bar was great, the only issue was that my boss constantly underpaid me and I realised that I did not owe her anything, an...

Over the past few days, I've found myself thinking; Is there such thing as a slutty virgin? Or is someone who makes the most of her encounters with men and stops at sex at risk of being hurt or feeling violated a strategic gameplan? I know another girl here who was known as the "anything but" girl. I thought it was quite derogatory because that's her business. It doesn't make her any less of a person. It just means she's never quite been in a position where she wanted to lose her virginity to any of the horny losers at university...Right? Well, a few days ago, I found out people call me the "tease" because I have on occasion invited people to my flat and never gone any further than foreplay with them. Does this make me a tease or a sensible individual who doesn't want to risk getting hurt by guys here, and regretting my first time? I'm not too sure anymore... Especially after realising that I'm the only virgin out of the 32 people who...

Well, it's been a long time since my last blog entry and countless things have happened. I can't even begin to explain how university has changed me since my last entry. So like one of my old entries, I'll try to list the events so that we can have a bit of a catch up. I did all my A-level examinations, and managed to finish secondary with an A* B and a C grade. With the struggles and distractions I suffered with in sixth form, I must say, I did quite a good job. I managed to get into an okay university, as I had to apply for not so great universities with my predicted grades. I decided, it's not going to be about the university now, it'll be about the grades I plan on achieving in uni. I started university and attended freshers week in a drunken, high blur. Yes, HIGH,  I have no intention of promoting substance abuse but although I was such a state during my freshers week, I undoubtedly enjoyed it.  I made a countless amount of friends, with boys and girls, a...