SEXSCAPADES!!
WOW! I feel like I have been through a worrrrld of experiences and changes since my last blog post. However, this is like my personal, anonymous diary, so I suppose time is in abundance on here, considering it's based on my personal availability.
So... In my last post, I spoke about going into my second year of university. Think about this, reader! I AM GOING ON 22! I didn't even write during my final year because of a number of reasons. Mainly, though, because I was soooo busy with university work, and secondly because sooooooo much happened since that post, the next time I even considered writing before now. I remember doing this in one of my old blog posts, where I just summarised life events in a list, instead of going on and on about it and then losing track of where I'm going etc. That was a great idea, so I think I will do it again.
1. I realised the guy I was admiring, that my friend told me about was a piece of crap, nothing came of that, we were never anything more than brief friends, acquaintances, even.
2. I was told that with all my efforts and despite everything I had been told about my degree, I was not going abroad and I was feeling so down about it.
3. I found another opportunity which allowed me to go abroad and I was away for the summer after second year, and spent some time working, then afterwards with family abroad.
4. I was "seeing" (fucking hate that word) but "seeing" this guy in my final year whom I wanted to have sex for the first time with.
5. He turned out to be a controlling douchebag who didn't even care about me, and it took me going away to get over him, because I was reaaaaaaaaally beginning to like him.
6. I came back from my time abroad, started my final year, and allowed a guy who was courting me, to come round, and we fooled around.
7. We ended up spending a lot of time together and I found we had a lot in common. I spent almost the whole year with him. He had a hold over me.
8. I fell in love for the first time. I thought I was going crazy and was beginning to believe that this would affect the outcome of my studies.
9. He also treated me like shit and was taking advantage of me and my kindness.
10. I tried my best to force myself to stop thinking about him, and prioritised my studies, resulting in me getting my desired 2:1! :)
11. I graduated and it was one of the best days of my life!
12. I stopped thinking about that loser whom I loved. (Or so I thought... Let's name him Jack)
13. I went on holiday to Spain with one of my best friends and we had the most amazing time!
14. I came back and got back in contact with one of my old University friends who was in the year above me.
15. We got to talking.
16. We had sex, and it was mindblowing. *Record scratch/Freeze Frame*.
Now this is where my bullet points stop and I need to describe things in detail. Let's call this new guy Ivan. So I briefly knew Ivan from university, and we had had a few intense chats in the past, BUT I had never really considered having sex with him. Primarily because I didn't know he was interested in me, and also, I just didn't view him in that light. I am usually forced to the assumption that any man who makes the effort to have a structured and intellectual conversation with me is not sexually interested. I just view men as more primal and instinctual and ugh gross. Like "Hi. Me. You. Bed. I. Like. Okay?". So when they take an interest in my studies or my interests, or academic interests, I just automatically believe they want to be strictly platonic. This was the nature of the conversation between Ivan and I. So when he suggested I come round and visit him, (once I was done with university, and he had been done for a year, and managed to get his own flat) I was both shocked and intrigued. I accepted his offer! There was just one thing I forgot to mention... I was a virgin. Yep, 21 year old virgin. Think what you will of that, I don't really care.
So I decided to go there, and... like I said earlier. The sex was mindblowing. However, upon tasting myself *ahem* after a very intense sexual encounter, I tasted a metalic taste in my mouth and I knew. So I quickly went to the toilet and noticed I was bleeding. I was confused because I had enjoyed the sex so much, and was so aroused and wet during, that I didn't even realise when I had started bleeding. I kept quiet about it and left him to the assumption that I had had sex before, which was rather flattering, because he said I did a great job on top despite the whole experience being (somewhat) new to me! ;)
Anyway, after that encounter, of staying at his place for 4 days and having great sex every day at least twice, amongst food and great conversation, I realised, this is too good. I like this too much. I am really enjoying myself here. I'll definitely have to do this again. I'm not comfortable with just looking around for random men to sleep with because it just wouldn't be the same experience. So... I went back. The next month. Again, we had amazing sex and conversation and food. I'm going back again in 3 weeks. I can't wait.
The moral of this story is, there is a very stupid stigma towards women who explore their sexualities and don't appear as modest individuals who are quiet and almost repressed regarding identifying their sexual desires. Be honest, ladies. Do what you want to do in ALL areas of life. On numerous occasions, I have heard peers and friends put pressure on eachother to have sex for the first time with a "long term boyfriend" or something of a similar nature. I could have tried to force something with Jack and been damaged emotionally and mentally even FURTHER if I had decided to have sex with him, after he took advantage of me so much. I urge all women to DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. Don't live for other people. If I've learnt anything from my teenage years, it has to be, do not live for other people. I had sex with this guy, whom I get along with extremely well, we have a great laugh, both inside and outside the bedroom. Although he might not be my boyfriend, or husband, I feel happy and confident in myself and my sexuality...(even though I'm a beginner). I couldn't have thought of a better way to be introduced into the limitless world of SEX!
Love,
Cleopvtrv
xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo
So... In my last post, I spoke about going into my second year of university. Think about this, reader! I AM GOING ON 22! I didn't even write during my final year because of a number of reasons. Mainly, though, because I was soooo busy with university work, and secondly because sooooooo much happened since that post, the next time I even considered writing before now. I remember doing this in one of my old blog posts, where I just summarised life events in a list, instead of going on and on about it and then losing track of where I'm going etc. That was a great idea, so I think I will do it again.
1. I realised the guy I was admiring, that my friend told me about was a piece of crap, nothing came of that, we were never anything more than brief friends, acquaintances, even.
2. I was told that with all my efforts and despite everything I had been told about my degree, I was not going abroad and I was feeling so down about it.
3. I found another opportunity which allowed me to go abroad and I was away for the summer after second year, and spent some time working, then afterwards with family abroad.
4. I was "seeing" (fucking hate that word) but "seeing" this guy in my final year whom I wanted to have sex for the first time with.
5. He turned out to be a controlling douchebag who didn't even care about me, and it took me going away to get over him, because I was reaaaaaaaaally beginning to like him.
6. I came back from my time abroad, started my final year, and allowed a guy who was courting me, to come round, and we fooled around.
7. We ended up spending a lot of time together and I found we had a lot in common. I spent almost the whole year with him. He had a hold over me.
8. I fell in love for the first time. I thought I was going crazy and was beginning to believe that this would affect the outcome of my studies.
9. He also treated me like shit and was taking advantage of me and my kindness.
10. I tried my best to force myself to stop thinking about him, and prioritised my studies, resulting in me getting my desired 2:1! :)
11. I graduated and it was one of the best days of my life!
12. I stopped thinking about that loser whom I loved. (Or so I thought... Let's name him Jack)
13. I went on holiday to Spain with one of my best friends and we had the most amazing time!
14. I came back and got back in contact with one of my old University friends who was in the year above me.
15. We got to talking.
16. We had sex, and it was mindblowing. *Record scratch/Freeze Frame*.
Now this is where my bullet points stop and I need to describe things in detail. Let's call this new guy Ivan. So I briefly knew Ivan from university, and we had had a few intense chats in the past, BUT I had never really considered having sex with him. Primarily because I didn't know he was interested in me, and also, I just didn't view him in that light. I am usually forced to the assumption that any man who makes the effort to have a structured and intellectual conversation with me is not sexually interested. I just view men as more primal and instinctual and ugh gross. Like "Hi. Me. You. Bed. I. Like. Okay?". So when they take an interest in my studies or my interests, or academic interests, I just automatically believe they want to be strictly platonic. This was the nature of the conversation between Ivan and I. So when he suggested I come round and visit him, (once I was done with university, and he had been done for a year, and managed to get his own flat) I was both shocked and intrigued. I accepted his offer! There was just one thing I forgot to mention... I was a virgin. Yep, 21 year old virgin. Think what you will of that, I don't really care.
So I decided to go there, and... like I said earlier. The sex was mindblowing. However, upon tasting myself *ahem* after a very intense sexual encounter, I tasted a metalic taste in my mouth and I knew. So I quickly went to the toilet and noticed I was bleeding. I was confused because I had enjoyed the sex so much, and was so aroused and wet during, that I didn't even realise when I had started bleeding. I kept quiet about it and left him to the assumption that I had had sex before, which was rather flattering, because he said I did a great job on top despite the whole experience being (somewhat) new to me! ;)
Anyway, after that encounter, of staying at his place for 4 days and having great sex every day at least twice, amongst food and great conversation, I realised, this is too good. I like this too much. I am really enjoying myself here. I'll definitely have to do this again. I'm not comfortable with just looking around for random men to sleep with because it just wouldn't be the same experience. So... I went back. The next month. Again, we had amazing sex and conversation and food. I'm going back again in 3 weeks. I can't wait.
The moral of this story is, there is a very stupid stigma towards women who explore their sexualities and don't appear as modest individuals who are quiet and almost repressed regarding identifying their sexual desires. Be honest, ladies. Do what you want to do in ALL areas of life. On numerous occasions, I have heard peers and friends put pressure on eachother to have sex for the first time with a "long term boyfriend" or something of a similar nature. I could have tried to force something with Jack and been damaged emotionally and mentally even FURTHER if I had decided to have sex with him, after he took advantage of me so much. I urge all women to DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. Don't live for other people. If I've learnt anything from my teenage years, it has to be, do not live for other people. I had sex with this guy, whom I get along with extremely well, we have a great laugh, both inside and outside the bedroom. Although he might not be my boyfriend, or husband, I feel happy and confident in myself and my sexuality...(even though I'm a beginner). I couldn't have thought of a better way to be introduced into the limitless world of SEX!
Love,
Cleopvtrv
xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo
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