I ADDED DABOY ON FACEBOOK!!

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... Yes I added him, and I feel even more pathetic than ever. Since he accepted my friend request, I had access to so many more of his pictures, and they were all pictures of him with his girlfriend. Kissing her, hugging her, each picture was like a stab wound in my heart. I just feel like a big lump of shit now. Not to mention that I have put on 4 pounds from Christmas dinner. BTW MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE I hope you all enjoyed your Christmases. Anyway. I just feel like a massive piece of shit. It's times like this that I revert myself straight back to the internet, to make me feel a little bit better. However, I spend about 5 hours listening to some old Alicia Keys and Frank Ocean,  thinking about how much I want Daboy but will never have him. His music has such soul, his voice is so beautiful, I just have to close my eyes and imagine a fraction of the perfection that Frank Ocean feels when he hears his own songs. Then the other part of that 5 hours is the time I spend on Tumblr, reblogging all the things I want in my life, all the posts which relate to the shit I am feeling, and all the nutella which would probably amount to how much nutella I would want to have in my lifetime. I don't know why I get so caught up in my stupid feelings about boys. I remember when I used to ADORE this other boy about 4 years ago, and about 2 weeks later, he updated his bbm picture to one with his girlfriend smooching away like lovebirds, and I was crying on my bedroom floor eating nutella and listening to "and I am telling you" by J-hud. I am so pathetic... (amazing song though). I just feel like; if I want to pursue my dream of finishing college with amazing grades and graduating from uni by getting an amazing grade in my Law and Criminology degree, I shouldn't let boys get to me. I shouldn't let the fact I haven't had a boyfriend in about 10 years, and all the boys I have ever liked have never liked me in return get to me. I am successful in school, and I shouldn't let a stupid fixation over a boy who is completely blind to my feelings towards him get to me. I just feel like shit sometimes. Especially when people tell me "Cleopvtrv, you're gorgeous!" or "Cleopvtrv, you have the whole package, you're smart and beautiful!". I am thankful for ever having compliments but when I look in the mirror, I understand why I haven't got a boyfriend, let's just put it at that. But I guess, I don't need a man, it's not a necessity in my life at the moment anyway, but I just imagine, it would be nice. Goodness, I'm so selfish and ungrateful. Sometimes, I drown in my sorrows productively, like playing the piano, I can place all my emotion in that I guess, but sometimes it's not enough. And when you are passionately playing "how come you don't call me" on the piano, then your mum walks in telling you it's too loud, it can be pretty embarrassing.  But at the end of the day, I can honestly say, that adding Daboy on fb has made me feel even worse than I ever thought I would, and I regret it actually. I prefer just staring at him when I get the chance. But I can't just forget about him, because I know it's not going to happen. Goodnight.

Cleopvtrv

xoxoxoxoxoxo

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